Above all, LISTEN WITH CURIOSITY to LEARN SOMETHING NEW.
It’s listening to understand rather than listening to win.
For MEDIATION, LISTEN with CURIOSITY and LISTEN to UNDERSTAND:
USE “I-STATEMENTS” to SPEAK FROM YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE. “I-statements” reveal our individual perspectives. Speaking clearly for and about yourself makes your message easier for others to hear.
SHOW RESPECT by taking turns, avoiding visible or audible signs of disrespect, such as eye rolls or sighs. Try using “OUCH” rather than interrupting the speaker. Take notes as needed to capture ideas as they emerge. To say “OUCH” means that something strikes you as hurtful or needing a response. You will get your turn to speak and share your perspective.
SHARE THE AIRTIME – Step in / step out as needed so everyone has a voice.
FOCUS ON THE FUTURE YOU WOULD LIKE TO CREATE. Ask questions respectfully and listen carefully to the answers.
AVOID BLAME OR ACCUSATIONS ABOUT PAST CONDUCT. Once we are in an angry, defensive mode, thinking stops and emotional reactivity kicks in. We may need to take a break before we can make any further progress toward our mutual goals.
MEDIATION MINDSET. Use a “MEDIATION MINDSET” to listen with curiosity and approach problem-solving with a desire to create WIN – WIN situations wherever possible.
IN MEDIATION, YOU HAVE THE POWER:
1. To make the decisions about what is best for you and your children or family. 2. To decide how much attorney time you need, (if any). 3. To manage the financial and personal costs of divorce or other family conflict.
Use calming techniques, such as pauses / silence, deep breaths, or breaks. Use “ouch” as needed – an “ouch” is not an interruption.